st_ratagem | Fishy drama (Loki and Val)

Entry tags:

loki,
valkyrie

Fishy drama (Loki and Val)

Goldfish, it turned out, were hypnotic. They swirled around, sometimes in a school and sometimes random, mostly empty fish minds mostly a dull, whispery hum. Despite that, it was easy to see little fish stories unfolding and little cliques forming and breaking up. There were reasons Loki had filched a roomy armchair from elsewhere in the Inn and set it up near the tank: he, Valkyrie, or both together spent enough time fish-watching that comfort was called for.

At present there seemed to be a small cadre of goldfish endlessly circling the same decorative rock, chasing off all the other fish when they approached. It could have been just a gang with territory, but Loki and Valkyrie had decided it was a fishy cult, worshipping the rock as a god. Valkyrie had suggested a small statue of him more than once, to see if the fish cult would abandon their rock. He’d laughed, but he had created their world and provided their food, so... it wasn’t that ridiculous.

Regardless, the fish continued to circle their rock. Holy wars were something to work up to.

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"It's not like that." Loki sighed. "Listen. I will admit that death sooner rather than later is fine with me, but I hate losing much more than I want to die. There are any number of ways around what I know and what I saw. First and easiest is simply not returning to the Statesman. According to what Thor says, I had the Tesseract, I had a ship, and I have knowledge of where at least one other Infinity Stone is. It would be the easiest thing in the universe for me to use the Tesseract and start either running or collecting. Even that other me who hadn't been here knew that. But I chose to return to the Statesman."

He leaned forward slightly, as if trying to will her to understand. "I must have a reason for that. Thor would have you believe that when Thanos hits the Statesman, I started to scramble and improvise, but that's not what I saw. I saw steps in a much larger plan. Not my plan, of course. Not Thor's, either, I think. I don't know whose plan it is or all the whys here and now, but I have to trust my own judgement. If my judgement is that handing the Stone to Thanos and dying at his hand is the best path, which it clearly was-slash-will-be, then that is my plan. If, when I reach that point, the whys aren't sufficient, I will do something else."

Sooner rather than later. Valkyrie said nothing, her gaze steady but sorrowful.

What? What was there to be sad about? This wasn't him being bleak or exercising a death wish... not much, anyway. "I don't really have anything else unless there's a specific point you need to hear about."

She simply shook her head, face pointing towards the floor. There was nothing to elucidate upon. He presented his logic, and coldly. Any more probing questions would be met with more of the same.

This time he did reach out, to try and pull her close. If she pulled away, though, he'd let her go. Of course he would. "You'll go to Midgard with Thor, and I expect you'll like it there." They both would. "The only thing for me there is solitary confinement for the rest of my life. Four thousand years, give or take." Maybe longer. He didn't actually know what a Jotunn lifespan was. "And if I survive and run elsewhere, I'm still looking at solitary for millennia. You can't possibly blame me for finding either option intolerable."

"That doesn't comfort me as much as you'd hope." Finding a comfortable nook against his tall form was always surprisingly easy, and this time was no different. Her face found a home in the crook of his neck, loosely wrapping one arm around his.

It was a deep relief not to be shoved away, given the tenor of the conversation. Loki tilted his head and slid arms around her to cuddle more effectively. He was apparently still allowed to, and for a wonder he wanted to. "I truly don't know what to tell you."

"I don't want to know you for three days for you to die on me." What else could Valkyrie tell him? It was simply the truth.

Technically she'd have known him for two weeks plus the days, but if she wasn't inclined to count Sakaar Loki wasn't inclined to correct her. "I'm in no hurry to get there. I assure you I'll miss this," a brief squeeze and kiss to her hair made it clear what this he was talking about (the affection and closeness), "when it's gone." After a brief pause, he offered, "You know me here?"

“I do.” The affectionate touch was enough to bring a small smile out of her, though letting her guard down only gave the grief a larger opening to cut at her. “The Valkyrie of your timeline won’t. She’ll miss out.”

"At least she won't know, either." That also almost certainly wasn't as comforting as it had seemed in his head. "For what it's worth, I think there's a very significant chance that death won't be permanent, one way or another. So three days, then a break, then... I suppose just however many star systems of separation." Loki was horrible at comfort.

"Just--" Valkyrie closed a palm slowly over Loki's mouth. "Shut up. For a little bit."

“Only for you.” The words were somewhat muffled, but comprehensible. Ordinarily being told to shut up was a decent inducement to keep talking, but in this situation? If it would help her, he would do it,

Lowering her hand and taking a deep breath, Valkyrie couldn't help but meditate on the countless times Thor must have had this very conversation with Loki. How did he find the energy for it? Not twenty minutes in and she was exhausted.

"Loki." She brought her head back up. "I'll grant you've given this thought. I'll grant that there's logic to it." Her jaw worked as she built up to her next words. "...Can you grant that not everyone shares your feelings about your own death?"

“Yes, but I don’t really see why not. It’s not like-“ he sighed and shook his head. He was difficult at best, after all. Tolerable in the short term, deeply unpleasant in any other. “Never mind. I can grant that.”

"You and His Majesty have your share of compelling and uncompelling arguments." She knew the brothers didn't care to be compared, but it impossible not to at times. She was firmly attached to both.

"But me? Right now. I haven't got an agenda. Not beyond just trying to get you to level with me." A pause. She was sober, and her brain itself was aching for a drink. She wouldn't indulge it--yet. She needed it to find the right words. "You don't want to be trapped. ...I don't want you dead. I don't have the answers of how to make those meet."

She assumed there was a way to get them to meet, which was... difficult to grant. “I am... very fond of you.” Not a thing he cared to poke at, at present; there would be time to be annoyed later at how he’d set himself up. “I’d make some kind of promise if I could, but... fifteen hundred years on my own was enough to make the void an unspeakable relief. I can’t make myself do anything but dread having to do it again, even for you or Thor.”

"And now?" Valkyrie leaned back against the cushion of the loveseat. "You still feel on your own?"

Loki shrugged. “No, here and now is different. It’s going to be miserable re-adapting when I leave here, but that’s future Loki’s problem.”

Was that better or worse? Maybe both. Everything about the pair and their relationship resided in shades of gray, why not one more thing to throw onto the pile. Valkyrie sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"...I'll only say one thing for sure. Just the one."

Likely something upset or frustrated, from that gesture of incipient headache. Well, she was entitled to it. Heavens knew he was awful to deal with at the best of times, and this had been far from that. It meant a great deal already that she hadn’t just gone and ‘let’ him settle himself back to a more usual level of terrible.

So, rather than speaking and making things worse, again, some more, Loki just nodded. Listening, not speaking.

It was something Valkyrie caught herself thinking, and frequently. When she opened her mouth to say it, she felt silly for it, but she’d committed to it now.

“I like the sound of your voice.” She bit her lip gently. “It’d be nice to hear more of it under better circumstances.”

...oh. That was... unexpected.

"I'll speak to you anytime you like." Loki, after all, enjoyed the sound of his own voice as well. He reached to cup her cheek, stroking with a thumb again. "Find a book, I'll read to you."

"I bet you say that to all your special friends." She wore her affection as a wry smirk and lifted her chin to enjoy his clever touch.

"No." Loki shook his head. "Only to you." That being the case, he leaned in, slid his hand to the back of her neck, and kissed her.

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