Caving

[st_ratagem]

One of the peculiarities of the Inn was that Thor was much less of a creature of habit than Loki. For all the god of mischief’s fondness for chaos, he tended to be comforted by a routine from which he deviated in small ways or abandoned on a whim. Thor just did whatever struck him and thus was less generally predictable.

That said, Loki knew his brother well enough that he was never that hard to find. It was a warmish cloudy day, Thor would be outside somewhere. Today, it was the gardens. Weeding, or something, trying to decide whether the grounds ‘needed’ rain, probably.

In case that was so, and because it would be easier to bail on a conversation going badly, Loki sent an illusion to the gardens. And didn’t waste time pussyfooting. “I have no intention of apologizing, you know.”

Comments

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor prunes back one of Tori's misplaced stems and sets it aside, then surveys his work. He doesn't answer his brother (or more likely, his brother's projection); if Loki truly believes what he wants is an apology, then he isn't worth acknowledging.

[st_ratagem]

Ah, it was going to be one of those. Likely, it would have been better if Loki just dismissed the illusion and gave up. If Thor wasn’t inclined to speak, nothing would force the matter. One sentence hardly seemed like an effort, though, and should it come up later Loki wanted to be able to believably claim that he’d made real effort.

So he continued as if he hadn’t expected a response, “If you’ll recall, I said I wouldn’t be your follower. You don’t give me orders or decide what I do. Not now, not in the future.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor lightly runs his fingers over Tori's stems, then prunes away a few dead canes. First frost is likely to come soon, so he might have been mistaken even in trimming away that misplaced stem. He would miss Tori and Saga and Oddveig's blooms once winter hit.

He still doesn't answer Loki.

[st_ratagem]

Right. Of course. Why would it have been different. Things happened when Thor wanted them to happen, not before, and only a fool tried to get around that.

Loki hated being a fool, but it was a trap his brother always managed to make him walk into. Someday he’d learn, no doubt, but it clearly wouldn’t be today. “Right. Understood. Enjoy your roses, brother, I’ll leave you be.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor finally turns to face Loki.

"What would you like me to say?" he asks, because Thor hasn't the faintest clue. "I tell you that you're going to die and instead of doing the reasonable thing and conjuring some plan that might not end with your death, you're determined to bound headlong into an early grave."

[st_ratagem]

“You have no idea what my plans are. I know, because I have better sense than to ever tell you my plans.” Loki crossed his arms. “For the record I don’t feel beholden to your assumptions any more than your orders.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor scoffs at Loki's response. There it was. As Darcy would have said, he could mark one slot off on his Bingo sheet: Loki acting as though he knew better than everyone else. He was pretty sure he'd be able to mark off Moaning about having to go about it alone next, as if a true partnership didn't require some degree of trust in others that Loki so obviously lacked.

"Why did you come here, Loki?"

[st_ratagem]

Glutton for punishment, obviously. Not helpful even if it was true. Certainly the other true answer, that he’d missed his brother, would only be used against him in some way. “I don’t know. No good reason, I’m sure.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor exhales audibly.

"Whatever you think, it was never about controlling you. I'm not stupid enough to believe I can control you anyway."

[st_ratagem]

“I’m aware that you believe that.” Loki shrugged. “It’s just about making sure the only paths and options I can take are the ones you set and deciding what I’m thinking and planning without reference to me. How could I ever have gotten the idea that you’re trying to control me.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"I am not trying to control you," Thor practically barks. "I just don't want you to die." He takes a breath. "Again."

[st_ratagem]

“All things considered, I’d rather not die myself.” Broadly, anyway. The cold place that didn’t care was always there when he needed it or wanted it, but he didn’t have to pay attention to it. “Unlike you I’m willing to admit that it may not be among my options, and unlike you I know and accept that I’m unlikely to get what I want.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"Can you just --"

Thor can feel the anger building up inside of him. He doesn't want to be angry, but Loki has always been remarkably gifted at plucking emotions out of him that he'd rather not feel at any given moment.

"-- stop it with the quips?"

[st_ratagem]

Loki throttled down, as best he could, the frustration that nearly always came with trying to talk or explain. It was his own fault, after centuries, to be sure, but that didn’t stop it being frustrating when everything he meant was lumped in with the things he didn’t. He could explain that he was being as responsible as he knew how to be until he was... not blue in the face, but that sort of thing. It wouldn’t matter.

Nothing to be done about it now. Loki stared silently instead of responding, Thor wanted no quips, he would get silence. He’d have no option but to believe that.

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor inhales.

"I wrote everything down," he says, finally. "Gave the book to Tony first. I wrote the details relevant to you in Asgardian."

For a moment, Thor doesn't say anything, but it's somehow apparent from the way he delivered that last word (Asgardian) that he wasn't done talking quite yet. He just needed a moment to order the rest of his words.

"Do whatever you wish with that knowledge."

[st_ratagem]

Clever of him. Knowledge was one thing Loki had a hard time resisting. In that one thing, maybe, he could be believably Odin’s child. But the cost for this, assuming it existed, seemed on the high side. “No. Should such a thing come into my possession I’ll return it unread. I don’t play games I have no chance of winning, I won’t replay ones already lost, and this one of yours seems to be both.”

[st_ormbreaker]

"Are you doing this to spite me?"

Thor can't find any other reason to account for Loki's bullheadish determination to throw himself headfirst into the jaws of death. Loki was always determined to manipulate any moment to his own advantage, and now, when Thor offered him everything he might need to set up all the pieces in advance, he snubbed it?

There was no rational reason for it.

[st_ratagem]

“No spite.” Minimal spite, two to five percent at most, but no quips. “You,” Loki pointed, “will never actually know what I do or don’t do, whether I live or die, whether any of it matters or not. Therefore, the only reason to engage with this is your peace of mind, but for me that’s a lost cause. You’ve been very clear that my best is insufficient. Why that is is probably irrelevant.” Loki still bet on ‘no one but Thor can ever do anything right’ but there were other options.

“Book or no book, whatever I plan or think, you’ll have no increased peace of mind. So I’ll just spare us repeating this fight when you decide that another plan of which you know nothing is worthless.” Loki waved the hand that had just been pointing, somewhat dismissively. “You’ll believe whatever you want to believe as you already do, with the added comfort of ‘oh well, not my fault’, and I’ll do the best I can with what I have. It won’t be good enough for you, but it never would be, so fuck it.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor has already been long cognizant of the fact that if they do retain their memories when they return and Loki -- or anyone else -- is able to change things, their timelines would simply split off. His Loki was dead and would remain dead, no matter what this Loki chose to do or didn't.

If there was anyone here Thor was sure was aware of this fact, it would have been Loki -- and Loki seemed to have no reservation in leveraging that fact as amunition against him. Loki was right, on some accounts: ultimately, all he really wanted was to believe that there was some slim possiblity that in some other reality, his brother might live. Thor's growing ire came from the facts Loki verbally laid out before him: Loki knew what he needed, but was determined to deny him even that small measure of hope.

Thor lets out a scoffing laugh to mask the pain of it.

"Believe whatever you want to believe," he says. "Anything I tell you isn't going to change your mind." Loki was just as determined to believe he was right as he thought Thor was. "The book is there, regardless of if you want it or not. I don't care if you do anything with it or don't." A lie. "Feel free to see yourself out."

[st_ratagem]

Even now the temptation to argue was almost overwhelming. To argue, find some way to make Thor actually listen for once, some way to make him see. But there wasn’t. There never had been. There never would be. Loki sighed. “You know, I actually believed you a little when you said you trusted my judgement. I thought you were an idiot, but it’s the sort of thing one wants to believe. Since you can’t even trust my self-interest, I’m glad it was only a little.”

He’d actually done this to try and get his brother back and instead had broken things off completely. Seemed very much like him, really. “I actually don’t understand at all why you’d assume I’d hang anything on any plan that doesn’t include a chance I’d walk out of it. Why you’d want to think me that stupid and incompetent. But you did and do.” And that hurt. It really did. But Loki kept it out of his expression and tone as best he could. It wasn’t complete, but it was likely good enough.

No sense being sentimental, especially not now. He jerked his head up and forced a businesslike tone. “This is a small enough fishbowl I doubt we’ll be able to avoid each other completely. For my part I’ll do my best to stay out of your way. Enjoy your roses, Thor.”

Without waiting for a response (there wasn’t likely to be one, as he’d been dismissed from notice before saying his goodbyes), Loki dismissed the illusion. In his real body, he slid and dropped off the roof onto his balcony and entered his room.