Not a stalker

[st_ratagem]

It wasn't the most subtle thing in the world, but it probably also wasn't the least subtle. (Probably._ Just, since Loki's trip into his own future (Thor's past), the god of mischief just tended to be around, wherever Thor happened to be. He didn't obviously follow. He didn't always speak. Often he didn't even acknowledge Thor's presence.

But, as much as possible, he was around. Even in Thor's room, on and off, albeit as a kitten keeping Stark company and creating tiny claw marks on the man's hands. (He insisted on wiggling fingers! He deserved what he got!)

There were, of course, times when it was impossible to be subtle. Such as this time, when Thor was working in the garden and Loki had opted to take up space on a nearby bench and read, occasionally glancing up to make sure Thor was still there.

Comments

[st_ratagem]

"I'm aware of that." Who would be more aware than Loki of exactly how badly he'd handled problems? But he'd learned, a little, and was doing better with this one already. He thought so, anyway. He wasn't the one under room arrest for whatever reason. He hadn't so much as raised his voice, let alone lashed out. "But I'm all I've got, so we'd both best hope I've learned."

[st_ormbreaker]

"What if I promised to listen for more than ten seconds?" Thor asks.

That had been part of the problem, hadn't it?

[st_ratagem]

"You'd probably have to last longer than eleven seconds, as well." Eleven seconds was longer than ten, and Loki wouldn't put it past his brother to just count down from ten and then consider himself free to overbear. But it wasn't a no.

[st_ormbreaker]

"Who's been knocking on your door ever since you asked them to?"

[st_ratagem]

"That's different." No less surprising, but... different. Thor wasn't as emotional about the concept of respecting a door. "And I seem to recall having to put a knife to your throat to get you to accept the concept of privacy in the first place."

[st_ormbreaker]

"If you wanted to hold a knife to me now, I'd allow it," he says. He can make out the entrance to the inn on the far end of the horizon now.

Thor stops and turns to face Loki.

"If there's ever something troubling you, I want to know about it."

[st_ratagem]

"You're going to regret saying that." Almost certainly, and fairly soon. "Mother took me to see your Statesman. By way of a brief stop in what I think is your future."

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor doesn't say anything to that, though he has things he wants to say and things he wants to ask. He just wants to prove to Loki that he can listen, even when he'd rather be talking.

[st_ratagem]

That hadn’t been a test, but it was slightly reassuring nonetheless. “The glimpse of your future was simple enough. You sitting on a bench, staring into nothing, doing nothing.” Loki paused there, trying to work out how to convey the exact level of horror and pain in those few moments.

There was no way, so he settled for simple. “You were... empty, I suppose. There was no you I’d point out as ‘that’s my idiot brother’ even though it was clearly you. It was... upsetting. Which was when and why Mother took me to watch your ship explode.”

Thor keeping his promise to listen would be easiest if he was given very few openings to explode in, so Loki didn’t pause. “Your little book left out a few details, but I understand that.” Leaving out the Power Stone torture has been to spare Loki’s feelings, leaving out you really are the worst was to spare Thor’s since they’d ended up the last thing Thor would say to him. “As you might expect, watching myself didn’t disturb me. Watching you was... hard. I never actually believed you before when you talked about grieving for me. I mean, why would you? And so on. But it’s difficult at best to deny that proof.”

[st_ormbreaker]

For a few long moments after Loki's done speaking, Thor stands there in stunned silence. The act might seem like a courtesy: Thor'd promised to be better at listening and to not charge in with his own thoughts and opinions, but it hadn't been deliberate. It doesn't even occur to him until his mind registers the silence on a delay that he feels a need to fill it.

"That must have been rough," he says in the same tone of voice someone might use when someone else complained to them that they'd lost their keys, wound up stuck in traffic, and were late to work. Loki's explanation at least explained his brother's clinginess. "I'm sorry you had to see it."

[st_ratagem]

It took a lot of what Loki had not to roll his eyes at the polite nothings, though he waved one hand, not quite dismissively, before giving in to the urge to twist his hands together. Thor didn’t understand, but that was fine. Inner death wasn’t the same as outer death, it wasn’t as obvious or immediate... and there was every chance that Thor was just used to it, in himself.

And on the subject of outer death, the part that would cause a Thor explosion. “You said that you thought I was improvising. That things happened I didn’t expect, my plan fell apart, and I was winging it. I didn’t see that at all. I saw points thee and four, maybe, of a fifteen to twenty point plan. That being the case, I think it’s very likely I’m going to make sure I do everything the same.”

[st_ormbreaker]

The Thor explosion doesn't come.

Thor swallows back the urge to ask why because the answer is there in the explanation: he saw the makings of a plan. Thor doesn't ask what the plan was because he says he only saw points three and four of a considerably longer plan. He doesn't get angry because Loki knows how upset Thor was after his death -- enough to spend the past few days tailing him -- and has still chosen to do it.

"Okay."

[st_ratagem]

Okay? Was that it? The whole reaction? The last time Loki had expressed the possibility that he wouldn’t change things, or offered any plan that ended in the possibility of death, Thor had exploded. Now, he looked... upset, maybe? But not like he was choking on rage or anything along those lines.

Loki took two steps closer to his brother. “I don’t think it’s my plan, mind, I’m not handling enough of it, for one thing. I doubt it’s your plan, either. You wouldn’t accept a plan where step four includes my death. But if I’m right, Thor, and there is a plan?” He looked Thor dead in the eyes and quoted himself. “‘I assure you, brother, the sun will shine on us again.’ That tells me that the way out is through. And since I’m still dead when you’re from, you’re not at the end of the plan either.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor attempts a smile -- he truly does -- because he knows that if he doesn't try to smile he's going to end up crying and maybe that's the appropriate emotional response when your brother repeats some of his last words to you, but it's not the emotional state Thor wants to be in right now.

"I want to believe that," he says. "But I'm not sure that I can." If he goes home with that hope and nothing comes of it, it will be worse than if he had no hope at all.

[st_ratagem]

“Point three: get Hulk sent to Earth, to issue a warning and ensure this two Stones are the last to be collected. Point four: hand over the Space Stone. Point five, maybe, ensure you live. And so on.” Another step or two closer. “Think about it, brother. I wouldn’t agree to a plan I didn’t think could work. I don’t play games I can’t win. But I agreed to this.”

[st_ormbreaker]

It occurs to Thor that there's a possibility that Loki's plan -- the one he thought could work -- might have been contingent on his survival and the belief that Thor would kill Thanos the second time they met.

Thor has to do everything he can to block that possibility from his mind.

"I know you did," he says. "I know, but I still wish you hadn't."

[st_ratagem]

“It will work. Put the stones in the Titan’s hands, let him do what he wants, then take everything when he’s not looking anymore. That’s how I’d do it.” Why else would his part be ‘collect and hand over the Tesseract’?

[st_ormbreaker]

"You didn't --" Thor attempts, and then he starts again. "It didn't seem like you wanted to give up the Tesseract when it happened." Loki's response at the time seemed genuine and uncalculated.

[st_ratagem]

“He’d suspect something if I just handed it over.” Loki shrugged. “I’m a very good liar, Thor. If I make him fight for it, he has no idea I’m letting him have it. Also, with the Space Stone in the open, there’s a backup way to get Hulk to Earth if Heimdall can’t do his part.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor is less convinced than his brother is, and though logically, he knows there's no person who knows Loki better than himself, he can't bring himself to believe that handing over the Tesseract was part of his plan.

He can't.

Thor nods his head back towards the inn. "Let's head back," he says. He won't move to continue down his not-quite-path until Loki joins him.

[st_ratagem]

A few more steps brought Loki level with Thor, to walk with him instead of trailing behind. In fact, he realized, the compulsion to keep Thor in view as much as possible was... less. Not nothing, it was possible that there’d always be that odd little sting of make sure Thor is all right in his head, but it was small enough that he could probably limits his checks to times when Thor was around anyway.

And, all in all, it was oddly peaceful to know that at least a few questions of the future were settled. “You were right, brother. Talking helped.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor slings an arm around Loki, same as he did when they were first on that bench.

"I'm glad that it did," he says. He turns and looks at his brother and attempts another smile, though it doesn't quite make it all the way to his face. "You know, I'm going to miss you when you're gone. I always do."

[st_ratagem]

“At least this time I let you know it’s not permanent.” As before, Loki didn’t dislodge the arm around his shoulders. Previously it had been because he was upset and anxious, now it was because he wasn’t, so much. But he didn’t miss the fakeness of his brother’s smile, so he went on, “And thankfully I probably don’t have to rely on you pulling your head out of your ass at any point and realizing this is just Ragnarok again in order to secure that return.”

[st_ormbreaker]

Thor hums in response. He still doesn't know what to think of it. He wishes Loki knew the plan outright so he could be sure to follow it. All he can really do at this point is plow right ahead and hope he makes the right choices along the way.

He does not want to see his brother dead for good.

"You know that I love you, right?" Thor hopes so; he hopes that Loki knew that during his last moments before Thanos killed him -- even despite Thor's last words to him. He wants to make sure that this Loki, the one walking beside him, knows that now. Just in case he doesn't.

[st_ratagem]

“Yes, idiot. I love you too.” Loki poked his brother in the ribs. “And I am both the worst and the worst brother. I’ll own it. You’d get bored if I was any better.”